To Be Encouraged

I recently watched the series finale of The Big C.  For those not in the know, The Big C is an original series on Showtime that follows the experience of a woman who learns of her stage four cancer.  The show tackles issues of family experience, relationships, faith, life, all with wonderfully written humor and stellar performances from an all-star cast.  Let's just say as a fan, I was in tears at how wonderfully the story was written.  Understanding the journey and excitement of life is really what everyone strives for.  We long for a "utopian-like" existence in order to feel a purpose for living.  We all want reconciliation, trust, and the feeling of being valued for who we are.  Sometimes it's in those dramatic life moments where we actually feel it and want to do something about it.  I live with my elderly Nana, who is the coolest person I know.  Like The Big C, I have moments with my Nana where we are conversing, sharing, laughing and just enjoying each other's company.  She's not my Nana in those moments.  This is a woman who has experienced life.  She was born during the depression, owned the first TV on the street, and asks me now what "Twitter" is.  This is a relationship that is from heaven, my proof that God exists.  This is what life is about.  She is not my biological grandmother, but she is the only one I've ever known.  Family makes us who we are, good or bad.  You can't  change it.  but the beauty in life is the experience of relationship, regardless of limitations, that makes us who we are.  We are created to be spiritual beings, striving to know that force that drives us for connection and a glimpse of what perfect love is supposed to be.  Random interactions in  public, acts of kindness, duties out of love, they all stem from that want to coexist in the world around us.  If everything were taken away tomorrow, where would you be?  what would have to look forward to?  From who, what and where would you seek solace?  I find it interesting how many of us think and truly believe we are fine on our own.  Our families fail us.  Some of us know that from day one.  We create friendships and connections with people to fill that void.  All this bouncing from one emotion to the next is exhausting. I just want to take a deep breath  and relax.  When I get caught up in the pressures of my everyday, and the expectations I, or those around me have put on me, it creates frustration.  I spend valuable energy on pleasing everyone around me and then feel anxious at the wee hours of the morning because I'm thinking of all the things I didn't do.  That's no way to live, chasing perfection.  I just think it's simpler than that.  There is a reason why we tear up at MCPCA commercials, or why we cry at the end of Fried Green Tomatos, it's a validation that yes, we are here, we need connection, and we are better for stiving to leave this world a better place than when we found it.  

"My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge." - Col. 2:2-3

No Church In The Wild

"Human beings in a mob
What's a mob to a king? What's a king to a God?
What's a God to a non-believer who don't believe in anything?
Will he make it out alive? Alright, alright, no church in the wild"-Kanye West

There is something interesting about the idea of a church in the wild.  Who or what is the wild?  The wicked?  The non-believers?  Secular culture?  Who don't believe in anything?  I love this song.  If you know Kanye West as an artist, he does proclaim to believe in Jesus Christ as his personal Lord and Savior, and uses his music to spread the message of love and hope.  I dig it.  And just like Kanye the same questions come up a lot for those contemplating a life purpose bigger than ones one ego.  What's a king to a God? God doesn't need a king.  He's God.  What's a God to a non-believer who don't believe in anything?  Well, useless I suppose.  So I guess we are left with no church in the wild.  A world left to it's own demise where nothing gets better and the good are forgotten.  That's what is seems.  A desolate day in day out routine to self sustain.  I fall into it everyday.  What is written between the lines of these verses is THE PROMISE of a church in the wild.  There is a calmness and peace that comes with a life focused not on the present, but on eternity.  Will he make it out alive?  No. Probably not, most humans will die.  And I don't think that's the point.  The journey is not the destination, but the moments that make up the ride.  Most memories are better preserved when they are based around love, friendship, and connection.  This is what we were created for.  So what is it we are not believing in?  Most humans long for this type of pure connection.  We look for it in our family and friends.  We want to be wanted, loved and accepted, yet we fail sometimes at execution.  I would rather believe in a God that can at least promise this type of love than none at all.   

Micomanage

Mi.cro.man.age: transitive verb: to manage especially with excessive control or attention to details. 

This word makes me cringe.  Most of us know the meaning of this when it comes to work.  Every action of everyday is accounted for.  Some more than others, but everyone at some point has felt the pressure of having to be perfect at any given moment.  More importantly, it gives those in power a false sense of control.  My life in a sense, is overly micromanaged.  From the moment I wake up till the moment I drift off to some alternate universe for a brief moment of time, I am working to a time table.  Gotta work.  Gotta see family.  Gotta do my taxes.  Gotta see a doctor.  Wouldn't it be great to take just one day and live your life totally differently?  Back to What About Bob because really, Dr. Marvin is a genius.  "Take a vacation from your problems."  It's that simple.  Or for us 80's kids, "Holiday.  Just some time to get away."  I really believe our souls were created for this type of freedom.  Not to ignore the responsibilities of life, but to better enjoy the fruits of our labor.  We work so hard for what?  For vacations?  For time deserved?  For better things?  Well, I've been micomanaged for years, all by people who don't know me, or think perhaps they do and think they know what's best, or by simple wanting to please those closest to me.  It's the truest example of burning the candle at both ends.  And nobody wins.  
I propose a new perspective.  Take the moments that matter, the ones you post, tweet and take pictures of, burn those memories in your brain.  Allow life to happen and react to it, remembering the joy of those moments so when the lights go up and all eyes on you, they caught you mid smile.  

This is NOT what I ordered!

There is something wrong here.  I can't make sense of it.  There seems to be a disconnect somewhere.  I only ask why.  Why can't things just be as you ask?  Why is it so hard to get what you want sometimes?  I am referring to something rather important; the thing that can make or break your day.  I'm talking about morning orders at local coffee establishments that seem so simple, yet go horribly wrong.  Now, I'm not naming names or places, but it seems that the only consistency is that things get screwed up.  For example.  Last week I drove to my closest D&D (oops...) and I ordered what I've ordered everyday for like the last 2 weeks, ham egg and cheese on an onion bagel, toasted with butter.  Sounds like a lot, but really?  C'mon.  It's not rocket science.  You guys do this everyday.  What I got in return was a croissant with cheese in it, AND a plain bagel toasted with 3 pitiful butter cubes at the bottom of the bag.  Really?  My favorite will always be my friend Kelly's messed up order.  Small tea please!  Yeah, she got a small black coffee with a tea bag in it!  Are you serious?  Are the spigots for water and coffee that similar that you can't tell 'black' water going into the cup with a tea bag?  My point is this, I implore the employees of these establishments, please double check your work, kinda like math.  You'll feel good about giving the customer what they asked for and avoid repeat orders in the future.  It's a cycle people, let's all do our part.  Oh, and blast Soulja Boy too, it helps with the concentration.

Put your foot down!

I think it's fair to say that everyone is looking for some sort of meaning and balance in life.  Balance comes in all forms and can easily shift and sway.  I have a very good friend who has the uncanny ability to see, hear, and pick up on these things.  So what do you say when your friend tells you, 'Hey, why are you balancing on one foot?  Just know what you want and put your foot down.'  Wow.  Okay.  That kinda goes without saying but how do you do that?  For instance, yesterday, St. Patrick's Day, my girlfriend and I decided all we wanted were Coffee Fribbles from Friendly's so we went to have a nice dinner at one of America's most beloved establishments.  Let's go to the place where every meal ends with a happy ending!  So, we go, we are seated, we get all excited and then...we waited.  We waited for a good 15 minutes until finally it occurred to us no one is going to take our order. Seriously, it was a very sad moment realizing our dreams of a Fribble were out the window.  We got up and left, now depressed and starving.  My point is, we put our foot down.  So, off we went to find the closest McDonald's for Shamrock Shakes; day saved and bellies content.  Sorry Friendly's you blew it.  Thank you Mickey D's for being so available and letting me have it my way.  (wait...that's, never mind.)
Here's the point and slight epiphany I had thanks to my friend and my girlfriend's conversations.  It's okay to know what you want and get it.  Put your foot down and get serious about your happiness.  I've been saying that for months now, but it's so true.  This is where the balance comes in.  Look to the left, and look to the right-the unknown is all around.  But the swirling and whirling like every force will change and move and the light will shine and push out the dark.  It's cozy in the cave of life.  And it's clear it's also never changing.  How am I to evolve, grow, experience life if I don't leave the cave?  Let go of the thoughts and the desire for things unchangeable and put your foot down.  The reality is no one will do it for you.  So, when Friendly's lets you down, head over to McDonald's.  If you take your happiness seriously and learn to put your foot down, you may just find your happy ending.

Donuts...really?

I went to the grocery store yesterday, which was a Sunday.  I know, everyone and their mom (or both of them) are out, no one really wants to be there, and chances are everyone is now hungry and that makes carriage rage that much more dangerous.  So, I'm in line waiting to check out and there is a lovely couple in front of me.  By couple I mean two people.  The two women were probably mother and daughter, the daughter I would put in her 60's so the mom was probably close to 80.  Really cute.  They had the same hair from two different decades, but alas, it was the same; a nice blond puff, just set by the hairdresser it looks like, very sweet and reminded me of ladies from church.  You get the idea.  Now clearly mom is older and needs some help.  I look at their carriage because I can't bear myself to look at the crap magazines, chocolate is not an option and now there are TVs in the check out?  When did that happen??  I don't need world events and cooking lessons while I'm waiting to buy food.  Really.  Just stop it.  Anyways, this woman had a bag of jelly donuts from the bakery (I wanted to follow her home just for that) but then she had a package of the store bought ones, you know, the white long box with the small powdery  ones that no one admits they love but you could eat the whole thing.  Further through the discovery there were also giant containers of Cool Whip (don't worry, Cool Whip has it coming) and lots of other sugary sweets in large quantities.  But I say all this because there is something cute and nostalgic about old people and donuts.  They congregate at every local Dunkin Donuts in every city and they will sit there with their small black coffee and French Cruller.  Makes me wonder where I'll be at 80 sitting with my friends and reminiscing.  My luck, I'll be at a local bar and yelling because I've been up since 7am and I want a drink now.  And pretty sure I'll be demanding Mac&Cheese because really, it's the best food on the planet.  This is the stuff I think about, because all the rest gets really overwhelming.  Next time you have a donut, remember the blond puff, it might be you one day...

I'm Sailing! Ahoy!

I love the movie 'What About Bob.'  Who doesn't really?  "Good chicken, good corn, is this hand shucked?"  There is lots to be learned from Bob Wiley and Death Therapy but alas.  I digress. 
Again giving more thought to the mantra that life is a story unfolding.   Shakespeare had it right, life is play and we are merely players, or something to that effect.  Again, not sure who's really reading this or where you're at with the question of does God exist or if you even care, but my experience tells me that He does and that He's had a guiding hand on my life since the moment I was conceived.  There's is no other explanation for what has happened and what is happening.  It's a lot.  Baby steps remember?  Here's why.  
I was born to a woman who, due to life circumstance could not provide for me.  Just like any situation where the state is involved (oh, holla if you hear me) the process is long and emotional and uncertain.  Now mind you, I am in infant while all this is happening.  Not really speaking up for myself and at the mercy of the wise adults to do what's best.  Well, God had a plan, a story in the making if you will, and by His grace I was adopted, raised the best way my parents knew how, (and they did do a good job if I do say so myself) and now here I sit to process all of this.  It's a little overwhelming, and if Dr. Leo Marvin were here I know he'd tell me to take a vacation from my problems.  
I was raised in the church.  And by that I mean I was raised BY the church.  I am so fortunate to have had the upbringing I've had, although not without heartache or struggle, no life is perfect, but for some reason there was always this feeling of where do I really fit in.  My family photos are quite comical.  I have brown hair and brown eyes and my family is blond and blue eyed.  'One if these things is not like the other...'   I used to make up nationalities as a kid since I didn't have any information of my blood background.  So it started with things like, maybe I'm part Puerto Rican or Moroccan (personal favorite, sounds cool!)  I play drums, self taught, so I have to explain the rhythm somehow!  My mom, the angel who raised me, used to tell me that I got my rhythm from her because she would hold me during church services and count the beat on my back to the hymns.  That's sweet.  But I don't think so.  Sorry Ma!  I now know that I am Irish and Sicilian so I am constantly angry with myself, which makes total sense!  I still hold out hope since the birth dad thing is still up for debate so I'm pretty sure he's got some cool exotic linage and maybe one day I'll be summoned to take my birthright as the Princess of some cool exotic land.  Okay, maybe not, but that would be pretty sweet right?  
All this is to say that it does something to a person to find out information years later and answers to questions that have caused such turmoil and feelings of uncertainty.  This is what I mean about the story. Clearly there were things set in motion years before that all lead up to the moment  when a person from my past called me with shocking news...